Wednesday, December 30, 2009



If I were in a band here are some of the possible band names I would choose:

1. The Rubber Biscuits

2. Pimp Spit

3. Hate or Anal

4. Cosby sweaters and banana hammocks

5. Tongue Punch

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Getting ready to wrap up another decade this coming New Year's Eve. According to "New York Magazine", a list of 16-once common items that were made obsolete in 2000s include:

1. Answering machines

2. Lickable stamps

3. Foldable maps

4. Cathode ray tube TVs

5. Incandescent light bulbs

6. Paying for pornography

7. Smoking in bars

8. Fax machines

9. Hydrox cookies

10. Cassette tapes

11. Floppy disks

12. Phone books

13. Polaroid photos

14. Bank deposit slips

15. Subway tokens

16. The Rolodex


-Michael Jackson

-Champlain Bridge

and-soon-to-be Burlington Telecom...let's face it, writing is on the wall...firing squad is lined up.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Here's a list that surely will flourish and grow day by day, hour by hour, rant by rant:

-Waiting in line at the Post Office.

-Standing behind people who still write checks at the grocery store.

-People who meet at the gym and use it as a "social hour" instead of working's annoying to the rest of us who are there to use the gym for what it was designed please, stop flapping yer gums and get to work on that candy coating of yours.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Top 5 Excuses For The David Letterman Affairs According To David Letterman:

5. I've got ho's in different area codes.

4. I was in charge of bringing "the trim" for the Booze, Bitches, and Blunts party with Paul Schaffer.

3. It was a biggest pimp hand contest between me and Hamburger Helper.

2. I took a wrong turn at Nellyville and ended up in poundtown.

And the number 1 excuse for the David Letterman affairs according to David Letterman...

1. I had to fill my gap tooth with something.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


"Man Charged With Exposing Himself On Interstate 89"

A St. Albans man was arrested by Franklin County Sheriff's deputies Aug. 13 after he allegedly exposed himself to a woman on I-89 around 5AM. According to the victim, the 44 year-old man would pass her vehicle on the highway, pull onto the shoulder and then expose himself, "manipulating his testicles" while she passed him.

Top 5 Worst Pickup Lines Heard While Exposing Yourself on I-89:

5. I was flying the creepy/perv flag at half-mast.

4. How much cash for this clunker?

3. Nice Ford Focus...wanna f*ck?

2. Is that a dipstick in your hand or are you just manipulating your testicles?

And the number 1 worst pickup line heard while exposing yourself on I-89...

1. Today's forecast...partly cloudy with a chance of Flanagan.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


1. The greatest invention of the 21st Century has arrived:

You can now buy chocolate-covered bacon-on-a-stick...hardwood-smoked honey-cured bacon,
that's been put on a stick and covered in milk chocolate.

This completes the three-point hat trick of greatest inventions of all, birth control, and now chocolate-covered bacon on a stick...deelish.

2. The state of Florida has taken the lead in indoor marijuana cultivation.

Way to go Vermont...way to drop the ball on the one thing you got off yer ass and were good at.

I guess it can't be all gravy fries and hackey sacks...or can it duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude??!!

Monday, June 8, 2009


Recently a two-minute video was posted on YouTube depicting a large "creature" swimming on Lake Champlain in Burlington. Once again, the question about the existence of "Champ" has been brought to the forefront of the discussion table. Several resident cryptozoologists have weighed in with their expert opinions. By the way, if you're like myself and have no idea what a cryptozoologist's a definition:

Cryptozoology –noun
the study of evidence tending to substantiate the existence of, or the search for, creatures whose reported existence is unproved, as the Abominable Snowman or the Loch Ness monster.

After I'm done sexting with Tinkerbell, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and myself are headed over to Breakwaters for a nacho plate and a couple of Bud Lights before we get onboard a gaggle of unicorns and cruise for chicks while riding off into the sunset.